Everything I need to know about life, I learned playing 'Zuma's Revenge.

And you thought it was the zombies who ate my brains....

'Zuma's Revenge is a computer game, devised by the genius-devils at Pop Cap. I worship those people. I want to work there. I could make up more cleverness for the frog to say while the game is loading. (And ask them HOW with a round like THAT I could end up with a lousy 22,000 points.)I bless their ingenuity and creativity so often they probably have permanent earburn.

Anyway, as we approach Reading Deprivation (and, for me, 'Zuma Withdrawal) Week of the Artist's Way, I have been musing about 'Zuma Truth as I have learned it.

Goes like this:


1. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity.

Don't be timid. Don't dither. If you don't shoot right now, your frog will get Horribly Killed.

2. Don't second-guess your previous shot.

Move on! Keep firing. A moment's doubt can cost you big time. You'll just be sitting there going, "Well, that was bad." (Ask Bill and John. I say this all the time.) And while you're doing that, your frog will get Horribly Killed.

3. It doesn't hurt to keep practicing.

If your frog is getting HK-ed all the time, go back to the Challenges and fine-tune. It's not like you know everything, Annie. You can still learn.

4. For mercy's sake: FOCUS, girl.

You snooze? It's HK for the frog. If you get distracted by thinking your score is about to be great. Or awful. Or that you're maybe a complete loser. Or, boy, is George Clooney still really hot. Or is something burning on the stove?

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Pay attention! This is your life which as the man said is "fired" at you, "pointblank." Don't miss it! It'll murder your frog. And in this case, unlike in 'Zuma, you can't get extra lives or return to the postcard and start over. Bummer.

5. Once you get the rhythm, you can dance.

There you are: Not waiting for perfection. Not second-guessing your last move. Skilled through great habits of practice. Focused like Laser Frog. Making that awesome zapping noise. Your heart is pounding. You're scared, excited, you have NO IDEA how it's going to come out. You're dancing. You've WON! Or you've lost in a way you can be satisfied with. And ready to play again.

And in the word of The Voice I can only assume must belong to the Great 'Zuma, "Oooh, Takka Oonga.

Or something like that.

And this is what I'm giving up for No Readie Week. Among many other things, like the O Magazine and serious literature. But I take with me upon the path the lessons I have learned. And share them here with you.

'ZUMA!!!